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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Buster Bluth

Name: Buster Bluth
Legal Name: Byron Bluth
Nickname: Baby Buster
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: Post-graduate, former copy room/construction worker for Bluth Company
Son of: Lucille Bluth & Oscar Bluth
Sports Played: None, he was just a turd out there
Schooling: Milford Academy
Scholarly Pursuits: Cartography, Native Indian tribal ceremonies, sleep deprivation, 18th Century Agrarian Business, effects of THC, playing with himself
Pets: Mother (turtle)
Suffers from: Crippling panic attacks, Oedipus Complex, and is legally blind at night
Women he's chased: Lucille Austero, Starla, Adelaide, Lupe, Lucille Bluth?
Toughest, Most Street-smart kid he knows: George-Michael Bluth
Favorite Movies: Chicago, Star Wars
Fears: Seals, the ocean, Catalina, confined spaces, active duty
Skills: Skill crane, Army skills, Seal (for marksmanship), Gorilla (for sand racing)
Magazine Covers: Balboa Bay Window
Awards: Cutest Couple, Saddest
Portrayed by: Tony Hale
Buster Bluth Quotes:
  • "Hey brother"
  • "I'm a monster!"
  • "Cause I'm an uptight...[expletives deleted]...Buster!...[expletives deleted]...YOU OLD HORNY SLUT!"
  • "Mom says it's too windy."
  • "Yeah, like anyone would want to 'r' her."
  • "I like making love to mother."

Monday, March 16, 2009

Arrested Development Drinking Game

My brother and I have developed an Arrested Development drinking game. It combines two of my favorite things in the world. Beer and Arrested Development. There's only one rule, and that is you must take a drink every time the show repeats itself.

Take a drink when:
  • Tobias makes an oblivious homosexual reference (Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up)
  • any character says "her?"
  • Kitty shows her breasts
  • there is a Hop-on reference
  • Michael asks "Who?" (referring to Ann)
  • Michael refers to Ann as something besides Ann (egg, yam, Annhog)
  • there is any reference to Michael being a robot (not crying)
  • there is George Michael-Maeby relationship reference.
  • a character utters the phrase, "the mere fact that you call it that"
  • someone references Stan Sitwell's alopecia
  • Lucille rips on Lindsay's appearance
  • "I've made a huge mistake"
  • there is a never-nude comment
  • someone does a chicken impression and/or dance
  • there is a reference to the OC (don't call it that)
  • Oscar makes a father remark about Buster
  • "Marry me"
  • "Well, that was a freebie"
  • there is an illusion-trick standoff
  • George Michael does his best Star Wars moves
  • "Annyong"
  • Cops mob a character (with the club beating at the end)
  • "Hey brother"
  • "You certainly have a type."

Lucille Bluth

Name: Lucille Bluth
Marital Status: Married (to George Bluth, Sr.)
Also Goes By: Gangy
Occupation: Co-Chair of Bluth Foundation, Former USO Performer
Residence: Balboa Towers
Key Attributes: She gets off on being withholding, Alcoholism, Emotionally demoralizing her children
Awards: Motherboy Cutest Couple
Magazine Covers: Balboa-Bay Window
Least Favorite Restaurant: Klimpy's
Chief Social Rival: Lucille Austero
Television Appearances: World's Worst Drivers
Daughter of: Nana
Biological Mother of: G.O.B. Bluth, Michael Bluth, Buster Bluth
Legal Guardian of: Lindsay Fünke, Annyong Bluth
Portrayed by: Jessica Walter
Lucille Bluth Quotes:
  • "Oscar, close it, you look like the window to a butcher shop."
  • "You're high!"
  • "Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire."
  • "Do you boys know how to shovel coal?"
  • "Oh, hello Buster. Here's a candy bar. No, I'm withholding it. Look at me, getting off! "
  • "Mama horny Michael."
  • "How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap?"
  • "No juice for you, you just get more awful."

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Jason Bateman at St. Louis Blues game

I'd personally like to give Jason Bateman a shoutout for being at the St. Louis Blues game tonight against the Dallas Stars. He was in St. Louis filming a movie with George Clooney.

The irony of Jason Bateman being there is that Dallas's backup goalie was put in after the Blues scored 3 goals in the first. Take one good guess of what Dallas' backup's name is...Tobias Stephan. What would have been even better was if St. Louis put their backup goalie in. His name is...CHRIS HOLT!

As soon as I can find a picture of him at the game I'll try and post it.

In the meantime...GO BLUES!

Monday, March 9, 2009

George-Michael Bluth

Name: George-Michael Bluth
Birthday: March 2, 1990
Occupation: Mr. Manager of Banana Stand, Former Administrative Assistant for the Bluth Company
Current Residence: Cabo
Son of: Tracy & Michael Bluth
Marital Status: Married to Maeby Fünke
Best Physical Activity: Hanging motionless on the monkey bar
Favorite Movies: Les Cousins Dangereux
Police Record: Stolen bike (vicitm), Breaking into the permit office
People Who Finished Ahead of Him in Class President Voting: Indian kid, Bart Simpson, School Sucks
Favorite Albums: The Jerky Boys
Skills: Star Wars Reenactments, Finely tuned internal clock
Portrayed by: Michael Cera
George-Michael Bluth Quotes:
  • "Yeah, I'm going to need a leather jacket for when I'm on my hog and need to go into a controlled slide."
  • "Way to plant, Ann."
  • "Hey Dad, they're out of sanitary napkins in the lady's washroom."
  • "Yeah, pretty soon I'm gonna have to start wearing a bra, right?"

Friday, March 6, 2009

George Bluth, Sr.

Name: George Bluth, Sr.
Marital Status: Married (to Lucille Bluth)
Occupation: Former president of Bluth Company, Blue Man Group
Current Residence: Cabo
Biological Father of: Michael Bluth, George Oscar (GOB) Bluth, Jr.
Legal Guardian of: Buster Bluth, Annyong Bluth, Lindsay Fünke
Twin Brother of: Oscar Bluth
Softball Position: Catcher (or nothing)
Religion(s): Judaism, Christianity
Inventions: Cornballer
Videos: Caged Wisdom, Boyfight Series
Favorite Foods: Ice Cream Sandwiches
Friends: J. Walter Weatherman, Polly
Women he's had Pop Pop with: Lucille Bluth, Kitty Sanchez, Lucille's sister
Portrayed by: Jeffrey Tambor
George Bluth, Sr. Quotes:
  • "There's always money in the banana stand."
  • "I'm having a fucking tea party, what does it look like?"
  • "At least in prison, we had knife fights, and we had movie night. And once, both. Those men did not enjoy Soapdish."
  • "You killed him when you left the front door open with the air conditioner running."

Thursday, March 5, 2009

George Oscar (GOB) Bluth, Jr.

Name: George Oscar Bluth, Jr. (GOB)
Marital Status: Divorced
Occupation: Former President of Bluth Company, Co-Founder of The Magicians Alliance, Co-Founder of Gobias Industries, USO Magician, Accidental Waiter, Former Hot Cops performer, Bailiff for Bud Cort
Son of: George Sr. & Lucille Bluth
Father of: STEVE HOLT!
Softball Position: Outfield/All over the field
Accomplishments: ...
Vehicle: Segway
Magazine Covers: Poof
Movies: Boyfights, Boyfights 2, A Boyfight's Cookout, Backseat Boyfights: The Trip to Uncle Jack's 70th, Girls With Low Self-Esteem
Friends: Franklin Delano Bluth
Music Albums: 1 (Franklin Comes Alive!)
Software: Gob's Program
Magic Illusions: Walk on water, The Burning Bush, Magic Coffin, Saw the lady in half trick, Wine into water, Aztec Tomb, King of Kings, Disappearing Yacht, Sword of Destiny, Free Chicken
Women he's claimed to have had Pop Pop with: Marta Estrella, Nellie, Lucille Austero, Kitty Sanchez, Starla, His ex-wife, Nahzgalia, Mrs. Whitehead
Women he's actually had Pop Pop with: Marta Estrella, Lucille Austero, Kitty Sanchez, His ex-wife, Nahzgalia, Mrs. Whitehead
Portrayed by: Will Arnett
Gob Bluth Quotes:
  • "I've made a huge mistake."
  • "Come on!"
  • "Whenever this family runs into any problems, it's always oh, let's have Gob fuck our way out of it."
  • "Takes his queen, and showers her with DIAMONDS! sauce, he covers her in club sauce."
  • "Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money."
  • "I've got this christian girlfriend now, and she's trying to get me to be a better man and reconnect with my son, and I'm trying to get her to renounce God and fuck me, and I just want to prove to her that I'm worth it."
  • "Hey if I can't find a horny immigrant by then, I don't deserve to stay here."

Monday, March 2, 2009

Michael Bluth

Name: Michael Bluth
Legal Name: Nichael Bluth
Birthdate: December 14th, 1967
Marital Status: Widower
Occupation: CEO of Bluth Company
Son of: George Sr. and Lucille Bluth
Father of: George-Michael Bluth
Softball Position: Pitcher
Percentage of Student Body President Votes: 2%
High School Awards: Most likely to succeed
Accomplishments: Father-son Triathlon, 1st place
Women he's had Pop Pop with: Tracy Bluth, Maggie Lizer, Sally Sitwell, Beth Baerly, Marta Estrella
Portrayed by: Jason Bateman
Michael Bluth Quotes:
  • "I have no problem with that."
  • "Don't call it that."
  • "What's better than hanging out with family? Aw fuck, it's my mother."
  • "Oh Mom, after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you."