Maggie Lizer

Name: Maggie Lizer
Occupation: Orange County Prosecuting Attorney
Fraudulent Physical Impairments: Blindness (irreversible case of ocular retinoblastoma), Pregnancy
Reason for Fake Blindness: Pass the LSATs, discount on pizzas
Portrayed by: Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Maggie Lizer Quotes:

• "I'm blind!"
• " Well, I can’t see anybody ever."
• "For the pizza guy. I give him a five, I tell him to keep the change."
• "Well, it’s like the Ten Commandments say, you know? “Be true to thine own self, and to thine own self...”
• " I’m Maggie Lizer. As in 'Maggie lies her ass off.' One person laughed at that once, and I don’t know why I keep trying it."

Gene Parmesan

Name: Gene Parmesan
Occupation: Private Investigator
Disguises: Fireman, just some idiot with balloons, custodian
Yellow Pages Slogan: "Anywhere, anytime, but you'll never know! -Original disguises by Mr. Parmesan."
Phone Number: 555-0113
"Isn't he the best?": Gene is far from the best.
Portrayed by: Martin Mull
Gene Parmesan Quotes:

• "But I did hear that he's bleeding internally."
• "I'm not even going to count it."
• "I counted...come on!"

Chareth Richter Hits Home Run

...or was it Donnie Richter?

Andy Richter hit a home run in the celebrity/Hall of Fame softball game for the MLB All-Star ceremonies.

Dr. Fishman

Name: Dr. Fishman
Occupation: Physician
Alias: Dr. Wordsmith
Social Imperfections: Overly literal
Portrayed by: Ian Roberts
Dr. Fishman Quotes:

• "It just looks like he's dead. He's got, like, blue paint all over him or something."
• "He keeps trying to get this IV out of his arm. I don’t understand why. It’s just glucose."
• "He's lost his left hand, so he's going to be all right."
• "You look really hot."
• "He's going to be fine. But unfortunately, you've still got a hook in your ass."
• "I'm sorry, we gave you a little something to relax you. It may have taken the jingle out of your genitals."
  

John Beard

Name: John Beard
Occupation: Anchorman for FOX 6 News
Television Shows: Hindsight with John Beard
Catchphrase: "What that means for your weekend..."
Portrayed by: John Beard
John Beard Quotes:

• "Do you know the muffin man? There's a reward in it if you do."
• "I can't be apart of the story."
  
• "It's called a cup-a-keeno and wait till you see what it costs."
• "Lose it. No, lose the whole kid. We’ll just go with the Iraq piece."
• "A woman shows all during a fracas at a local restaurant, sources say."

J. Walter Weatherman

Name: J. Walter Weatherman
Occupations: Former Bluth Company Employee, Artificial Body Parts store clerk
Lessons: Always leave a note, Don't yell, Don't teach lessons, Don't take your foot out of the wrapper, Don't use a one-armed man to scare people
Portrayed by: Steve Ryan
J. Walter Weatherman Quotes:

• "And that's why you always leave a note."
• "And that's why you don't yell."
• "And that's why you don't teach lessons to your son."
  
• "And that's why you don't take your foot out of the wrapper."
• "And that's why you don't teach your father lessons."

I'M A MONSTER!

I apologize for cirsumventing my blogging duties but I "Buster-ed" myself. I broke my hand...while in water. Needless to say, large amounts of alcohol was consumed shortly after.