Carl Weathers

Name: Carl Weathers
Occupation: Actor, Director of Scandal Makers
Culinary Favorites: Stew, ham, Burger King
Purchases all his cars from: Police Auctions
Portrayed by: Carl Weathers
Carl Weathers Quotes:

• "You know, just two adults getting a stew on."
• "Baby, you’ve got a stew going."
• "I got bumped from that flight. Apparently, they give you $300 if you get bumped. It’s this crazy loophole in the system that the wrong guy discovered. Guess where I won’t be going?"
• "Your wife works in a restaurant? Do they get a shift meal, or do they just pay half price on select menu items?"
• "I was doing this Showtime movie, Hot Ice with Anne Archer, never once touched my per diem. I’d go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup, baby, I got a stew going."

Arrested Development Narrator

Name: Narrator
Portrayed by: Ron Howard
Narrator Quotes:

• "Notice it wasn't something the narrator said."
• "Even the members of Gobias agreed on that one."
• "The studio at which she'd finagled a job had hoped to avoid controversy by artlessly explaining that the two leads were not biological cousins."
• "Real shotty narrating. Just pure crap."
  

Tobias Fünke

Name: Tobias Fünke
Nicknames: T, Uncle T-Bag, Tobi
Marital Status: Married (to Lindsay Fünke)
Father of: Maeby Fünke
Occupations: Chief resident of psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital, Analrapist, Musician, Actor, Security Guard, Blue Man Group understudy, High school theater director, Owner of The Queen Mary, Administrative Assistant for the Bluth Company, Co-founder of Gobias Industries,
Acting Roles: Frightened inmate #2, Confidence Man #2, George Bluth, Sr. (Scandal Makers), Torture Victim #4
Books: The Man Inside Me
Videos: Families With Low Self-Esteem
Bands: Dr. Fünke's 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution, Whip-and-Snaps Barber Shop Quartet
Psychiatric Afflictions: Never-nude
Physical Afflictions: Graft vs. Host
Portrayed by: David Cross
Tobias Fünke Quotes:

• "I just blue myself."
• "Do these effectively hide my thunder?"
• "Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up."
• "Let Lilly lick Lionel's lusty leathers."
• "Don't leave your uncle T-Bag hanging"
• "I’m afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run if you will, so I’m afraid I have something of a mess on my hands."
• "If I may take off my acting pants for a moment and pull my analrapist stocking over my head…"
• "OH MY GOD, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale."
• "Douche chill!"
• "And second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead."
• "Ah, the clumsy adolescence, it's a phase we've all been through. Except for me, I was like a cat. I always ended up on all fours...like a cat."